Manage Your Time as a SAHM & Find Peace
As a SAHM, I feel like there are 1 million things to do. Laundry, toys underfoot, many many dishes, making breakfast, lunch, and dinner (sometimes not all three but sometimes, yes, ALL THREE). There are appointments to make, instructions to give, following through to be had, emotions to calm (yours and theirs), planning all the things and so much more.
On top of that we are constantly faced with modern day advice from the top experts (or not) on how to parent. On top of that, when we scroll through social media, we see these other mothers that look so PUT TOGETHER. Comparing takes place and we get to feeling low.
Want to read more on why we feel like we’re losing our minds as mothers to littles? Read more on that via my post here.
Another helpful post to check out is acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and motherhood. Check that our here.
Solutions
Well, you know what? It’s time we take charge. You know how we can do that? Defining our values, re-ordering our daily/weekly priorities, and setting boundaries on our time. We’re also going to touch base on if you feel perfectionistic at times and what to do about that.
Choose Your Values
What are your values?
When was the last time you asked yourself what’s important to you? Let’s dive deep: What is it that drives your life forward?
Here are some of my values:
- Fitness (mental and physical health)
- Industriousness
- Being loving
Check out this values checklist by Dr. Russ Harris (leading expert on acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)). After checking out these values choose the ones that speak most to you. Which values can you identify as the values that you live your life by?
Once you choose those you can then choose behaviors that align with those values.
For example:
If you value fitness, then the behaviors that may align with that are maintaining a movement routine and ensuring you eat veggies on the daily.
If you value being loving, then showing your love regularly through hugs or sweet notes to your loved ones may satisfy you.
Next... Re-Prioritize
There are so many things that we do as SAHMs. On that note let me go over some titles that we’ve earned through our toiling away as SAHMs. We are therapists, meal planners and chefs, event planners, nurses, the dishwasher, an expert organizer (there are SHOWS displaying the skills of expert organizers), grocery shoppers (this is a job too!), doers of LOADS of laundry, nighttime caregivers, teachers, loving partners and more! Also, we are ALWAYS on call. Our schedule can change at the drop of a hat due to anything and everything.
So many roles to fill!
That’s A LOT of hats to wear. So, when we are faced with ALL of the tasks that come with those roles, we are led to feelings of being swamped, burnt out, and overwhelmed. It can also lead to feelings of resentment towards your partner or your babies.
The great news is that we have control over what we prioritize! We can also practice accepting feelings of “not getting these things done.” We’ll get to that later when we touch base on perfectionism.
For now!
Let’s talk about prioritizing.
Here’s my list of priorities:
- Exercise
- Prepping food (ahead of time or at the drop of a hat)
- Outings with my kiddos (this can include grocery shopping)
- Playing with my kiddos
- Dishes
- Laundry
- Cleaning/organizing
Since dishes, laundry, and cleaning or at the bottom of my priority list they don’t get done the way I would LOVE to get them done.
This can lead to me feeling overwhelmed by clutter and, surprisingly, this leads to real stress for me.
How to Manage your Time
I’m going to share some little ways to manage time that help me to find some peace.
- Use a timer to focus on JUST that task. It’s called the Pomodoro Technique. Learn more about it here.
- I set a time for 10 minutes at night to do as much laundry as I can in that 10-minute time interval. Attending to that task for just 10 minutes makes me feel like I don’t have “so much” to do and gives me a sense of relief because I know I’ll get the next 50 minutes for “me time.” It may not all get done, but large tasks don’t have to get done ALL at once!
- Attending to these tasks “as you go”
- If you wash 3 dishes while you’re waiting for your coffee to brew then you’ve chipped away at a task! Yay! If you do that 5 more times while you’re in the kitchen for the morning, then you may get ALL the dishes done! If not, again, you’ve chipped away at a large task! Congrats!
- Delegate! Get the kiddos involved OR recruit your lie partner.
- If my kiddos make a mess, I ask them to clean it up! I offer to help every time so that they know they’re not alone. Sometimes I only allow them to clean up for about 1 minute and then I do that rest. The point is that you’re not their maid.
- Leave messes ALONE for your partner to clean up later. Just because they aren’t home to clean up until the evening time doesn’t mean they don’t have to clean up any of the messes of the day. SO, LEAVE IT for them😊
Is Perfectionism Getting in Your way?
Let’s touch base on perfectionism.
The reason a lot of us modern day stay-at-home moms might feel perfectionistic (besides having parents that either modeled perfectionism or expected “the best” from you) is that we have social media constantly displaying these beautifully organized homes and routines. In these pictures or videos, we might see mothers that have a gorgeous modern home and toys organized for their tots and they themselves are put together and beautiful.
We don’t often see haggard, tired, messy, and overwhelmed SAHMs in the middle of a messy living room with two tots having a simultaneous melt-down.
Well, my last sentence is the reality of being a stay-at-home mom. There’s always a mess RIGHT AFTER you’ve cleaned. There are ALWAYS dishes in the sink and the countertops and all over the place! It feels like we have a dirty laundry tree growing dirty laundry faster than we can keep up with it. We are on call and teaching our kiddos and practicing patience on an empty mental health tank and so on!
It’s hard!
Ways to Beat Perfectionism
Here are some things we can practice to find some peace and relief in the midst of this chaos that is being a SAHM:
- Practice acceptance
- Practice acceptance of the mess/task. By this I mean the task is there and it’s likely not an emergency. It’s just a part of the “job description” of a SAHM.
- Practice scheduling a time that the task can be taken care of and ACCEPT that this task may not ALL be done at once or perfectly.
- Allocate that 10 minutes after the kiddos are in bed or while they’re watching TV to attend to that task OR leave the mess for your kiddos or partner to attend to the task. Trust me, they can do it😊 Not the way you would do it BUT they can do it too.
- Communicate to yourself and others what your boundaries are.
- Just because a juggling act has been agreed upon between you and your partner doesn’t mean that it still works 1 month from the agreement. In other words, communication, to yourself and others, needs to happen as changes and needs come up.
Lastly, practice some self-compassion. In the place of negative self-talk use praise and give yourself a hug. Try to remember that everything you do is out of love. Remember that you’re human and you get tired and that’s ok. Remember that being a SAHM is a 24/7 dedication.
Want to read a but more about how to make perfectionism work for you and not against you? Then check my post on that here.
In Conclusion
Organize those priorities, practice time management and delegation and practice self-compassion!
I hope this post was helpful! Please feel free to leave feedback on either this post or regarding posts you’d like to see on my blog.
Until next time,
Kristi
Written by Kristi, October 13th, 2023