What is Sober- Curious?
What does it mean to be sober curious you might wonder. I’ll tell you what it doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean that you agree to be sober-for-life. It doesn’t mean that you’re admitting that you have a drinking problem, and it doesn’t mean that you think alcohol is bad.
What I believe it to mean is that we recognize alcohol for what it chemically is. Then we evaluate exactly why we consume it and under what circumstances we consume it. We also begin to pay attention to how much of it we consume and what effect it has on us. What effect it has on our brains, our sleep, our energy levels, our ability to think, our exercise routines. After all this consideration THEN we can decide when we drink, with who, how much and how often. Sober curiosity is carefully choosing your alcohol consumption instead of just drinking mindlessly or drinking solely because it’s become a habit or because you’ve been invited out for drinks or to a party.
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Some Suggested Reading
Verywellmind has a concise article that expands on what sober curiosity is. It also mentions that author, Ruby Warrington, has made the sober-curious movement a thing with her book Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol. I have not read this book, but the author is the founder of a groundbreaking community dubbed “Club Soda,” and I have read a book by prominent members of Club Soda titled “How to be a Mindful Drinker: Cut Down, Stop for a Bit, or Quit” and it was a very reader friendly, neutral, and educational read! I highly recommend it.
My Sober Curious Story
So now that we’ve defined what sober curiosity is I want to expand on everything I mentioned in the first paragraph, and I want to share my story so you don’t feel like you’re the only one that might get sober curious because you’ve found drinking to be an activity that limits you. Lastly, I’d like to share some recommendations on how to get sober curious and what awaits you on the other side!
I share my sober curious journey in my post “My Journey to Becoming Sober Curious” but I’d still like to share a bit in this post so that you know that I’m writing from the heart and from experience.
Our Binge Drinking Culture is Everywhere
I started drinking in high school and when college offered unlimited parties during which binge drinking was basically forced, my drinking went from sometimes to a lot of binge drinking.
Everyone did it! Or so I told myself. It didn’t matter that I’m not a night owl and I that black out easily and that I hated myself the next day. I did it because it served various purposes for me at the time, and I wasn’t equipped with healthy coping mechanisms and being mindful of my health and behavior. So, I drank too much and too often because it “helped” my stress levels, and it “helped” me to be more social and it “helped” when I felt restless and bored with activities that were fun like floating the gorgeous San Marcos, Tx river with my college buddies.
Fast forward, to my late 20s when I began to realize that alcohol was becoming not worth it. I began to ask myself what it was really doing for me and what it was really doing to me. I hated hangovers, I didn’t like being out at night, I felt bloated and steadily gained weight even though I exercised, and I still blacked out on a regular basis. So why was I still doing it?
I decided it was time for a change. I started to count my drinks, I started to write prompts for myself to remind myself WHY I wanted to cut back, and I started to record my blackouts on a calendar (this was a punisher for sure). I also started to take 1-month long breaks. I was content but still had hiccups here and there.
Then Came Along my Babies
I didn’t drink a drop during both pregnancies and had two lively, healthy, and demanding little babes to take care of. I was in the two under two club and, WOWEE, that club is no joke!
I still drank but not NEARLY at the intensity that I used to. However, drinking still hindered me. The day after a night of some wine, I was groggy and slow. I couldn’t afford that! My littles didn’t care that I was groggy. They needed me at the same intensity as always regardless of my decisions. I wanted a change and fast! I felt I couldn’t break the habit independently, so I requested Naltrexone and took the pill twice. After that, the habit was broken, and I took more than a month off. In NO WAY am I recommending that you take a pill to take a break from drinking. I’m simply informing you that’s what I did. I dislike that that’s what I felt that I had to do to take a break from alcohol. The doctors were very hesitant to give it to me as it’s typically prescribed to people suffering alcoholism. Just wanted to add that little disclaimer.
Now I can call myself sober curious. I take chunks of time away from alcohol and NEVER have more than 2 glasses of wine once or twice in one weekend. I’m happier. I could even see myself becoming sober. Why?
Why Should I Become Sober Curious?
This is where I start to inform you of what alcohol does to you and what awaits you on the other side of either chunks of sobriety, being that “rarely-has-a-drink” drinker OR being a totally sober person.
If you want an extensive read of the information I’m about to share then I highly recommend reading, This Naked Mind, by Annie Grace. It’s eloquently written and is so very informative! I’m so glad I read it. She’s a smart and convincing author!
What Alcohol Does to Your Body
Alcohol affects nearly every organ in the body. Every.single.organ. Not in a good way either. It’s linked to 8 different cancers and high blood pressure, liver disease, stroke, heart disease, and digestive problems. It also affects your skin in that it dehydrates you and adds processed sugar to your diet. It affects your ability to think clearly during alcohol consumption and after alcohol consumption. It affects your precious very-much-needed sleep (read my post on the importance of sleep here) which then can cause a slew of other problems. I could go on and on, but I won’t. I think we all know that alcohol is a poison. It is literally the same thing that fuels our cars.
Bit I like to drink...
This is where the sober-curious part comes in. Even though we know what we know about the dangers of alcohol, we still want to drink it. Why? Because it’s a social lubricant or it relaxes us after one or two little sips, or it makes activities even more fun! All these things are true and so are all the facts about the dangers of alcohol. So, what do we do? We can become sober curious! Being sober-curious allows us to admit that we wonder what it would be like to take breaks from alcohol or to quit altogether. That lays a foundation for us sober-curious people to behave in ways that our peers might judge as peculiar. Saying “I’m sober curious” gives us a definition to delve out to those peers that wonder why we’re not drinking at a party where everyone else is.
How to Become Sober Curious
So, you want to become sober curious? Here are some ways to start:
- Establish your values. This will act as a compass for you. It will help you to define your “why.” Do you value being healthy? Do you value getting quality sleep? Identify your values and hold them close on your sober curious journey.
- Start to count your drinks. I’m hesitant to set this as a recommendation but I’m going to do it because some of us just drink based off feeling and may be shocked when we find out how much we actually drink. This shock you feel may serve as motivation and will serve as a baseline for you to potentially use in the future.
- Start to pay attention to when you drink. Is it after a stressful day? Is it when you’re feeling a little “bored?” Is it only at parties around new people? Take this information and use it as a tool to create awareness and then sober-curious action.
- Start to pay attention to who you drink with. Do you only feel pressure to drink around certain people? Why? What if you chose not to drink around those people? What would be the consequences?
- Ask yourself what your short-term goals are, if any, when it comes to drinking alcohol. Will you make “duration” goals such as “I will go Friday night without a drink”. Will you make goals involving #s such as “I will drink 1 glass of wine instead 2 every night.” Will you make “event” goals such as “I will not drink during my cousin’s birthday party.”
Be Kind to Yourself During Your Sober Curious Journey
A journey is exactly what it sounds like. Pretty much all journeys have bumps in the road, surprises, complete stops, and falls that hurt. That is absolutely NO REASON to give up, or to be hard on yourself, or to feel ashamed. You’re doing this in the name of improvement (I’m guessing) so be proud of that fact alone. Becoming sober-curious and staying sober curious in this alcohol obsessed culture we live in is brave! With any form level of sobriety comes improvement in a matter of hours! Improvements will include better sleep, vibrant skin, sharper thinking, less empty calories, and less money spent! So many benefits to becoming sober-curious or just plain and simple sober.
Reader, I hope this post was both informative and supportive for you. Do you want to become sober-curious? Can you name 5 benefits that will come out of becoming sober-curious? Please feel free to comment in the comments section below! I’d love to read your thoughts on this post!
Until next time,
Kristi
Written by Kristi, June 22nd, 2023
This is awesome advice! I love your openness in your journey. I love your advice to be kind to yourself during your individual journey. Bless you for sharing your journey with your readers. Love you, Kristi 💕