Boundaries for self-care as a SAHM are Critical
When you’re at stay at home (SAHM) mom you wear many hats in one place while you care for the people you love the most in the entire universe and the pressure to do your best is at the highest level it’s ever been in your life.
Oh, and by the way, your sleep (a critical-to-health activity) can be interrupted at any time by these little people that you care the most about in the entire world.
The safety of these little people seems to ALWAYS be at risk be it a scraped knee or getting hit by a car in the Target parking lot.
These adorable little people that need you for almost EVERYTHING have no filter when communicating these needs to you. They scream at you, cry for you, can get aggressive towards property or towards you because they haven’t acquired the knowledge that it’s not ok to do those things…on that note: you’ll have to teach them that it’s not ok WHILE they’re attacking you (auditorily or physically).
The "You Shoulds" of being a SAHM
According to countless research articles, online articles, experts on social media and beyond there are 1,000,009 ways to address every single aspect of a child and their existence and, if you’re a mother in 2023 to littles, you’d better know all 1,000,009 ways and then some because each child is unique.
Is your mind blown yet? Are you vehemently shaking your head in agreement yet?
Are you a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) to littles in 2023?
Well then, this post is for you because I’m about to talk about HOW YOU can implement boundaries so that you can get the self-care that you NEED in order to not only stay sane under these unrealistic circumstances, but also to be a mentally and physically healthy mother to your children.
There’s another post on mothering littles and why we feel like we’ve lost our minds that you might want to check out by clicking here.
I’m going to briefly go over the message in that post.
SAHMs Have Needs Too
There was a brilliant psychologist (Abraham Maslow) that hypothesized that we have basic human needs and when those needs aren’t met then we begin to behave in an unstable manner.
Here’s a picture of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
Well readers, as stay at home moms, our basic human needs can be threatened on a regular basis. Since these were not typical circumstances before kiddos, we don’t quite have a plan of defense. So, what to do?
Set boundaries. I wish I could scream it from the mountain tops!
Set boundaries so that your sleep is more or less stable, so that your body gets what it needs (nutritious food and movement) and so that your mind gets what it needs.
Let’s dig into the needs we all have as humans (SAHMs are human too!) and some pointers on setting boundaries so that those needs are met.
What Needs Are Threatened as SAHMs?
Love & Belonging
Intimacy and friendship are different kinds of love that take the backseat when we become SAHMs. All of the sudden it’s hard to find time to connect with friends or our significant others without being constantly interrupted.
It is very important to make uninterrupted time for these two types of love. This is when delegating or setting boundaries comes back into play. Can a friend come over after the kiddos are in bed? Can a quick zoom lunch happen to take the commute out of the tiny amount of time we have allotted for friends? Can the kiddos go to a relatives house so you can have the house alone with your significant other?
You little ones will continue to come first BUT, if we can find 30 minutes to several hours at least once a month to get some alone time with friends and/or our significant others we will be all the better mothers for it. These relationships recharge our batteries. They increase levels of oxytocin and feelings of community.
Esteem
Respect
I’ve been working with little ones for about 20 years now and many of them only do what we’ve either taught them or modeled for them.
I don’t say this lightly: teach your kiddos how to speak respectfully to you and to others by teaching and modeling and your household will become just a bit more peaceful.
It feels much better when someone talks to us respectfully versus yelling at us or using a rude tone. Start to make modeling and teaching respect a habit! You’ll NEVER regret teaching this skill and you’ll be spoken to more respectfully in the long run😊
Self-Esteem
Since our bodies take a hit during and after pregnancy it’s no surprise that our self-esteem takes a hit.
My answer to this basic human need is to show yourself some compassion. Decrease negative self-talk and self-judgement. Live by your values and create action steps that will lead you to where you want to be! During the journey though, self-compassion is key.
Freedom
I’m going to ask you a tough question: Have you ever felt trapped at times as a SAHM? Do you feel like a prisoner of demands from tiny people while strolling around a store?
Carve out even just 10 minutes a day to where you can go do what you want to do ANYWHERE. The car, the bathroom (a face mask?), in your driveway. Find some small (or big) increments of time during which you can make your own choices to do whatever you want to do.
Self-Actualization
What is this, according to Maslow? It’s to be all that we can be. We feel this to our core as mothers. To the point of perfectionism.
And perfectionism can be crippling. The standards that perfectionists place on themselves are unattainable. With all the “you shoulds” on social media that are geared towards mothers how can we not question our every move and tend to be perfectionistic?
So again, show yourself some compassion. Understand that ALL emotions, thoughts, and feelings that you feel are normal. Allow them into your mind, know that they are temporary and breathe deeply. You’re doing your best; you learn along the way, and you love your babies. You ARE currently your best self😊
In Conclusion
I hope this post brought some realization and calm to your Mama heart and mind. Do you feel like you’ve already set some of these boundaries for yourself and that you’ve thrived because of them? Please share!
Feel free to comment on what you’d like to see on my blog as a stay-at-home mom!
I love to hear from my readers.
Until next time,
Kristi
Written by Kristi, September 27th, 2023
You have such good advice! And you share in a way that your readers feel your caring and love for your message. I’m so happy you have a sharing heart. Peace everybody ✌️