Self-Care Boundaries for Stay-at-home-Moms
When you’re a stay at home (SAHM) mom you wear many hats in one place while you care for the people you love the most in the entire universe and the pressure to do your best is at the highest level it’s ever been in your life.
Oh, and by the way, your sleep (a critical-to-health activity) can be interrupted at any time by these little people that you care the most about in the entire world.
The safety of these little people seems to ALWAYS be at risk be it a scraped knee or getting hit by a car in the Target parking lot.
These adorable little people that need you for almost EVERYTHING have no filter when communicating these needs to you. They scream at you, cry for you, can get aggressive towards property or towards you because they haven’t acquired the knowledge that it’s not ok to do those things…on that note: you’ll have to teach them that it’s not ok WHILE they’re auditorily or physically attacking you
Too many "You Shoulds" for Stay at home moms of 2023
According to countless research articles, websites, experts on social media and beyond there are 1,000,009 ways to address every single aspect of parenting a child and, if you’re a mother in 2023 to littles, you’d better know all 1,000,009 ways and then some because each child is unique.
Is your mind blown yet? Are you vehemently shaking your head in agreement yet?
Are you a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) to littles in 2023?
Well then, this post is for you because I’m about to talk about HOW YOU can implement boundaries so that you can get the self-care that you NEED to not only stay sane under these unrealistic circumstances, but also to be a mentally and physically healthy mother to your children.
There’s another post on mothering littles and why we feel like we’ve lost our minds that you might want to check out by clicking here.
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
I’m going to briefly go over the message in that post.
There was a brilliant psychologist (Abraham Maslow) that hypothesized that we have basic human needs and when those needs aren’t met then we begin to behave in an unstable manner.
Well readers, as stay at home moms, our basic human needs can be threatened on a regular basis. Since these were not typical circumstances before kiddos, we don’t quite have a plan of defense. So, what to do?
Set boundaries. I wish I could scream it from the mountain tops!
Set boundaries so that your sleep is stable (more or less), so that your body gets what it needs (nutritious food and movement) and so that your mind gets what it needs.
Let’s dig into the needs we all have as humans (SAHMs are human too!) and some pointers on setting boundaries so that those needs are met.
Some Needs that are Threatened if you're a SAHM
Physiological needs
Sleep
Our sleep is always up for interruptions EVEN IF we have spouse that is ready and willing to get up with the kiddos.
Ensuring that you get quality sleep and ENOUGH of it is your only ticket to not suffering from the many side effects of sleep deprivation.
How do we do this?
Give yourself 9 hours in bed and a chance to sleep for 8 hours. Whatever is getting in the way of this happening NEEDS to be “let go.”
Dishes? Save them for ANY other time. Laundry? Delegate or only do 10 minutes at a time.
I think it’s safe to say no one will die from unfolded/unhung laundry. Other chores. They can wait. SLEEP comes first.
Let me ask you some questions:
Do your kiddos sleep with you? Do your dogs sleep with you? Do you sleep with your TV on? Do you have dessert after dinner or wine in the evening?
ALL OF THESE things can interrupt sleep. Sleep is finicky activity but oh so critical to our mental and physical health. Want to read more on sleep and how to ensure its quality. Check out my post on that here.
Food
Maybe before kiddos we had this beautifully organized meal prep plan that was easily maintained, and we were the healthiest we’ve ever been! Enter exhaustion and MUCH more important priorities like feeding your kids, making sure your house doesn’t end up on the show Hoarders and getting some sleep!
Well, it’s time to reevaluate the food that goes into your body and how you can get it there.
Is there anywhere in your week that you can find 20 minutes maximum to either roast or steam veggies in bulk?
Is there anywhere in your week that you can find 20 minutes maximum to cook some healthy grains in bulk?
Is there anywhere in your week that you can devote 30 minutes to one hour preparing food for yourself that is nutritious and fast?
Boom! You’ve meal prepped!
Safety Needs
Health
Our health has no doubt taken the backseat to our being a quality stay at home mom. First let’s define exactly what quality health might look like: a regular movement routine, a consistent hygiene routine (we know those showers are hard to come by sometimes), and nutritious food intake.
Since we already talked about food let’s talk about a regular movement and hygiene routine.
Bare minimum, the CDC recommends 150 minutes (30 minutes 5 times a week) of moderate intensity exercise (brisk walking or gardening) or 75 minutes a week (15 minutes 5 times a week) of high intensity exercise (HIIT) and 2 sessions of strength training which you can most certainly involve your children in.
Again, I’m going to talk about delegating to a partner, a gym, a friend, or a TV/electronic device so that you can fit in a short duration of time to MOVE.
You don’t need weights! You just need yourself and either an imagination, the internet or a streaming service to guide you during your movement routine.
15 minutes is a very short duration of time to move your body. Is there anywhere in the day that you might try to squeeze in 15 minutes?
30 minutes of moderate intensity (brisk walking) may happen more easily with the kiddo(s) in tow. Walk around the neighborhood or march in place if they’re busy smelling the umpteenth flower along the way.
Hygiene
As SAHMs we can barely take a shower without a tiny human either demanding to join or banging on the door because you’ve taken longer than 30 seconds
Hygiene may be the first thing that comes to mind when you read “self-care.” Have you ever gone into a spa, a place that delves out manicures and pedicures and immediately felt relaxed even though you haven’t done anything yet?
That’s because grooming yourself or being groomed leads to a release of oxytocin (feel good chemical) into your brain. We need as much oxytocin as we can get.
It’s also rewarding to feel clean and prepped for the day. I know I’m guilty of skipping the teeth brushing or hair combing or mascara because I simply CANNOT spare that 1-5 extra minutes to execute that task.
But I’m telling you here and now that prioritizing hygiene, in any shape or form, will lead to good feelings. So, find that 5 extra minutes. Let the kids scream and run in circles around you while you brush your teeth or comb your hair! It’ll be worth it, I promise😊
Personal Security
You might cock your head at this one because you’re wondering how our personal security is at risk as a stay-at-home mom. Well, have you ever felt over touched or been hit during a tantrum? That is what I mean by personal security. If you feel like you’ve been over touched for the day it’s ok to say, “Mommy needs some space, I’m feeling overwhelmed.” Or “Mommy needs some time in this (other) room to breathe.”
It’s ok to say this when you NEED some space because, I think it’s safe to say, that you’d want YOUR children to model this behavior when THEY need some space.
It’s also ok to say this because it may be a NEED that you have so that you can regulate yourself and jump back in to be a calmer mommy for the next couple of hours😊
In Conclusion
I hope this post brought some realization and calm to your Mama heart and mind. Do you feel like you’ve already set some of these boundaries for yourself and that you’ve thrived because of them? Please share!
Feel free to comment on what you’d like to see on my blog as a stay-at-home mom!
I love to hear from my readers.
Until next time,
Kristi
Written by Kristi, September 21st, 2023